I’ve always liked to sing in the shower, but I’ve never been a songwriter. At least, I wasn’t until I got embroiled in the baby-loss shit storm of 2006-2007, when I finally had something to write songs about.
One day during my drive to work, I began writing folk songs in my head. I don’t even like folk music particularly. Still, the words gelled in my brain as though propelled by some sort of cosmic force of nature. As green freeway signs and Mount Rainier and shiny
Mini Coopers whizzed by, I began belting these songs out to myself while going 70 miles an hour – mouth wide open and eyebrows scrunched together – not caring if the person in the lane beside me thought I looked like was having a solo orgasm in the car.
Then, a few weeks ago, Kevin and I were on a road trip in Portland, and we passed by a store window filled with guitars. I suddenly pictured my folk songs hovering inside my head like dusty little blobs of music notes, bored and wishing somebody would do something with them. I had a fleeting image of myself as Janis Joplin, sitting up on stage with a spotlight on me, singing my little ditties with my baby boy Zachary applauding wildly from the MTV Realworld Penthouse for Bitchin’ Stillborn Babes up above. I knew right then and there: I had to buy a guitar. So I did – and suddenlyI owned this instrument that I had no idea how to play.
So far, I’ve taught myself three chords. And – surprise, surprise – it is those exact three chords (whatever they are) that became the accompaniment for my very first song in what I’m coining theKnocked-Down Folk Music Series. This track is called “For Sure.”
I have to first point out that: 1) I’m still learning how to grapple with a large stringed instrument, so forgive the twang. 2) Forgive the lisp-sound of my “S’s.” In real life, I’m pretty sure I that lisp isn’t there (unless it is and nobody has ever told me). Let’s just say this recording was produced…organically – no fancy sound-equipment here.
CLICK HERE for the video to this track, “For Sure.”
And in case you’re the type of person who likes to read the lyrics on the CD cover and sing along, here you go.
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“For Sure”
You might have been a bratty toddler,
Screamin’ and throwin’ your food.
You might have been a horrible speller,
With bad punctuation too.
You might have been a high school drop-out,
thinking school was only a bore.
You might have turned into a druggie,
living dirty and jobless and poor.
But I don’t care what you might have been…
I just wish I could’ve known for sure.
You might have been obsessive compulsive,
counting every step that you took.
You might have been a Bill O’Reilly fan,
reading every one of his books.
You might have had issues with anger,
getting pissed off and slammin’ the door,
You might have been a cleptomanic
stealin’ money from my drawer.
But I don’t care what you might have been…
I just wish I could’ve known for sure.
You might have been valedictorian,
president of your school.
You might have been a hottie like your dad,
making all the girlies drool.
You might have been a famous scientist,
discovering all kinds of cures,
You might have been idealistic,
Running off to join the Peace Corps.
But I don’t care what you might have been
I’m tired of imaging what you might have been
I don’t give a fuck what you might have been
I just wish I could’ve known for sure.