A Note from Monica LeMoine, Founder of Exhale
It is a great pleasure to bring you Issue #4 of Exhale, the only literary space that bridges the worlds of infertility, miscarriage, stillbirth, infant loss, and otherwise childless-not-by-choice.
Exhale started as a caffeine-fueled, late-night idea back in autumn of 2008, stemming from the intimate connection I was feeling with some of my infertility-fighting friends and blog readers. In trying to piece together what it was that we shared, given our medically different circumstances, it dawned on me suddenly that there was, in fact, an important common thread bringing all of us together: the experience of loss.
From losing a physical baby or fetus, to losing a hopeful notion of oneself as a future parent, we were all walking different paths shaped by various forms of loss. Although the exact nature of our losses might be different, our coping strategies perhaps dissimilar, we still understood one another, finding comfort in each other’s stories and voices.
There was another factor (besides strong coffee) that brought Exhale to the forefront of my mind as a worthwhile endeavor, and that was my belief in the healing power of writing and other art forms. What Exhale provides is a rich, safe space for taking our internal voices and focusing them outward, such that others might find solace and a sense of connection in those voices.
Miraculously, I was able to hastily cobble together a core group of talented and enthusiastic writers to help me get Exhale off the ground. These women have truly helped shape Exhale into what it is today, expanding our magazine’s core theme to include not just pregnancy/infant loss and infertility, but otherwise childless-not-by-choice as well. Without them, this magazine would have instantly flopped, and I feel profoundly humbled and fortunate to have them by my side in this endeavor. These women write for no pay whatsoever (even though some of them are professional writers themselves, used to bringing in the dough for this sort of thing), volunteering their talents and energies, and indulging my deadlines and formatting requirements without a trace of complaint or irritation.
There’s Christina Gombar, our sassy book-and-blog reviewer; she’s a brilliant New Yorker, and she keeps me on my toes about promoting our magazine. Trust me: you want her on your side.
There’s Pamela Jeanne, who brings us delectable slices of life from the realm of living childlessly (not by choice) in a mommy-centric culture, and whose new book – Silent Sorority – is coming out in April.
There’s Cindy “Murgdan,” a perennial favorite in the infertility blog-o-sphere, with – as one astute reader put it – “more wit in her little finger than in my own plus-sized body.”
There’s Natalie “Chicklet,” also an infertility blog-o-queen, whose earthy honesty about infertility’s “suckage” keeps readers coming back for more.
Let’s not forget Cara Tyrrell, who keeps me going with her perpetually positive aura, stirring our souls with heartfelt musings on her daughter’s death.
There is Arielle Greenberg, the English professor among us, giving me much-needed reality checks as needed while beautifully chronicling the perils of post-stillbirth pregnancy.
Finally, there is singer/songwriter Sarah Motes Ashley, who – after a harrowing series of obstacles – had her first child this year.
All of these women, through their unique contributions and ongoing flow of ideas, have truly helped to raise Exhale to its current level of quality – so be sure to e-mail them a big “thanks” if you like what they are doing.
Oh, and of course, there’s also Kevin LeMoine, who very occasionally chimes in with that elusive male perspective on stillbirth – that is, when I can tear him away from ESPN Sports Center and our rusty bike-filled garage. Kevin deserves his own variety of kudos for being an ever-present rock in my life, for supporting and encouraging me all the way in my quest to launch Exhale,and for keeping me grounded in reality when my coffee-enshrouded, harebrained scheme-filled mind starts to float into the stratosphere.
Issue #4 of Exhale is filled with goodies to delight your senses – from our feature interview of acclaimed author Elizabeth McCracken, to a unique and moving pregnancy loss exhibit by Jennifer McNeely, our cover artist, and plenty in between.
This issue stays true to one of the core missions underlying Exhale: we are not a place for preaching, judging, or imparting advice. We are a place for carving out meaning with words and other visuals, for identifying and sharing some of the less obvious elements of loss, and for – hopefully – enlightening each other in the process. Exhale seeks to be a supportive space, and yet a bold and daring space as well, pushing the boundaries of how others expect us to grieve.
Please come back often as we continue to grow and change, and be sure to submit your work for this month’s Artistic Exhalation Award.
Table of Contents
*Features*
Exhale’s Cara Tyrell Taps Elizabeth McCracken by Cara Tyrell, with an Introduction by Christina Gombar
Elizabeth McCracken, highly acclaimed author of An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination, sheds light on life after stillbirth. Read full interview.
The Lowest Point by Brenna Thibault
“I feel like a crazy person: jumpy, jittery and fearful of the shadowy monsters lurking in the aisles: cribs and changing tables, tiny onesies and stuffed bears. Is this what crystal meth feels like?” Read full story.
Infertility Patient by Robin Silbergleid
“I was afraid that in the place of a little life, a little piece of darkness had been planted inside me.” Read full poem.
*Regular Exhalers*
Creation from A to Z by Christina Gombar
A new book tells a darker story of Irish pride in a large brood, an Indian Septo-Mom gives Octo-Mom a run for her money, and a popular blog addresses the need to build bridges between parents with non-parents. Read full story.
My Infertility, Month-By-Month: The Third Month by Cindy “Murdgan”
“If you were in your third month of pregnancy, your uterus would be the size of a grapefruit and your fetus the size of an apple. Luckily, you’re infertile, and there’s no need to go around comparing your reproductive organs or offspring to items located in the produce section.” Read full story.
Meditations on Life After Loss: Believing Without Seeing by Cara Tyrrell
“After we lose a child, our hearts open a bit wider, our eyes see slight movement that we would typically explain away with a shrug – no second thoughts, no what ifs. Now, we stop and look, staring at an empty space for minutes.” Read full story.
Coming to Terms: Epiphany in the Ladies Room by Pamela Jeanne
“Why did I somehow feel big chunks of my life were missing? How was it that I found myself in the ladies room trying to reconcile, again, that I’d never live the life of a frazzled but seriously proud suburban soccer mom, complete with my very own mommy blog?” Read full story.
Life After Death: A Pregnancy-After-Stillbirth Miscellany from the Third Trimester by Arielle Greenberg
“One of my fellow Exhale columnists calls our attention to the blog of a family whose son got stuck with a shoulder dystocia during birth and died days later. I click over to his picture—a gorgeous, perfect newborn—and burst into tears.” Read full story.