In the land of “love and marriage and then comes baby carriage,” my husband and I are “that” couple. That couple who everyone else is afraid to be. That couple who even we, sometimes are afraid to be.
We started off like every other couple, thinking we would “just have kids,” and it would be as simple as that. But it wasn’t as simple as that. Because after three years of “investigative procedures,” Clomid, three IUIs, two IVFs and a FET, we still have absolutely nothing to show for it. Not a single positive pregnancy test, not even a single frozen egg.
Yes, the clinics figured out that we would probably never get pregnant on our own, because his sperm and my eggs don’t like each other. But other than that, we are “unexplained.” There is nothing physically wrong with either of us, nothing genetically wrong with my eggs, and nothing compositionally wrong with his sperm. Yet, all this time later, we are back at square one.
It’s a better and worse square one.
Because while we’re back to being “that” couple who can’t get pregnant, we are also once again “that” couple who others finally believe when we tell them we can’t get pregnant.
Back in the early days, “unexplained” infertility wasn’t enough for some people. It wasn’t an answer, so there wasn’t a problem. ”Unexplained” was code for “in my head” or “needs to RELAX.” Yet now, after all this time and all this help, people finally believe it.
They finally believe we’re “that” couple.
That couple who actually does have to spend thousands and thousands of dollars to get pregnant. That couple who really needs medical intervention to get pregnant. That couple who nobody wants to admit still may NEVER get pregnant, even with all that money and help. We’re that couple nobody wants to be.
That couple even we didn’t think we’d be.